'Til Death Do Us Part?

By Karin Paparelli

I sat in the back of the room watching tearfully as family members spoke with fondness and love of a dear man who recently went home to be with the Lord. The memorial service was beautiful and touching, and I was moved. I made my way up to the front of the room to offer my condolences to his widow, but as I embraced her I began to weep and she comforted me. Overcome with sorrow I quickly exited the room hoping to find an empty parking lot. I hurried for the safety and solitude of my car, but I could not drive. I sat behind the wheel sobbing. I let it go and had a good cry. I was surprised by the rush of emotion and I lifted my voice to heaven, "What is going on here, Lord?" I begged for an understanding. It is true that I've known this family for years, but I had never even been to their home or they to mine. Why the intense grief? Then the words of the Lord came to me so clear and true, "Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn." (Romans 12:15) He saidthis is how you must love one another if you are going to stand. With a love that truly suffers when one suffers not merely in words but in reality. He showed me how much I really do love my church family. Every one. I have rejoiced with new babies, and new homes. I've grieved with pains and sorrow. I've prayed for healings, and marriages and ministries.

We have a choice to let the love of Christ work in us and through us or to try to do it on our own. When we let His love work through us, it is remarkable how much we can love one another. But as with every relationship there comes a turning point, a decision point. Remember when you fell in love? You could see no wrong in your beloved. Everything was just wonderful. My grandmother used to say to me, "Love is blind." And initially it may be. But as time goes by you start to notice the little and not so little imperfections. It is at that moment that you need to make a choice to accept each other as is and continue to love or to opt out. Sadly, many take the second alternative, but the Lord would say to stay and love more deeply. It is the same with our church families. There comes a time when the illusion of perfection fades and we are left with reality. Do we stay and press in to love more? Or do we opt out?

Paul exhorted the church at Rome, "Love must be sincere... Be devoted to one another in brotherly(sisterly) love. Honor one another above yourselves.". The love that Paul is talking about comes only when we have chosen to press in and love more deeply. Being devoted to one another. Devoted; being zealous in loyalty or affection, being dedicated, fully committed. Our Lord knows our limitations yet He does not ask what is impossible for us to deliver. We need only submit to His will. Let His love work in us. That is how we can be devoted to each other, how we can honor each other, not in our own strength.

The Lord told me This is how you must love one another if you are going to stand. The word stand refers to standing in the day of evil mentioned throughout the New Testament. The church is moving into a new season and we need to be walking more closely with our Lord, obedient to His every word. The Lord knows what is down the road for us all, and He knows what we'll need to stand in that day. A superficial love will not do. This love should be the outflowing of the love lavished upon us by our Savior. What's more, Jesus tells us to love our enemies but how can we possibly do that if we struggle with loving our brothers and sisters.

I have recently been feeling torn. I live in one town, but attend church twenty miles away (I am not unique in this). As my children grow, this will become even more complicated. I am content with my home and neighborhood. I'm rather fond of this area and pray for it frequently, but the Lord has begun to show me that I need to be more committed to the neighborhood which surrounds the church I fellowship in. And so a move across the island has become a possibility for our family. That means packing and moving two adults, three children, one dog and lots of stuff. We'd be moving to an area where the cost of living much higher, the homes and taxes are doubled compared to where we now live. So you can understand when we think of moving there are many things which we must contemplate. But as I asked the Lord to show me how, He was faithful and showed me His way. It is not for me to be concerned with the details of how, He has already worked all of that out, I need only to trust. I have already made up my mind to follow Jesus. And so I will go wherever He sends me because I know that I will be at peace in the center of His will and nowhere else.

He's been showing me that my relationship with my church should be similar to my marriage. To be committed. Warts and all! If we look for imperfections we will find them, don't bail out, pray. If you're in a church that stands true to the word of God, and His word is being preached without compromise, perhaps it is time to put down roots. Realize that everything else is secondary. Has someone hurt you in your congregation? Forgive them. Is there a ministry you think could be better? Pray for it. Is the location too far to be really involved? Move closer. We live in a disposable culture. We have become accustomed to constant changes. The time has come for the body to stand as one, cemented to each other, committed in love. Let's show the world our love, that is how they will know we are Christians.

Love cannot blossom in uncertainty. Counselors will tell you in marriage there must be trust and stability in order for love to grow. I believe it is the same for our churches. It may mean having to sacrifice something. But the rewards far out weigh the cost. It has become increasingly difficult to have a sense of community. We need to work at it and not give up. Let's be committed to one another in brotherly love. There may come a time when the Lord will move you across town or across the world , and when that time comes embrace it and go, but until then we need to learn how to stick it out in love.

And so we'll stand , for better or for worse, 'Til death do we part.

May you walk in His grace. Thy kingdom come!

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